As audience members find their seats and return from the snack bar, the lights dim and a wild drum beat kicks in over the loudspeakers.
(An unseen commentator excitedly says, “Here we go! Luke, I have a feeling tonight’s going to be a big night.”
“Boy, I’d say you’re right about that, Matt! You can just feel the energy of this crowd already. I’ve just got one question for you, Luke.”)
As if on cue, the recorded voiceover of The Baptizer emerges over the sound of the drums to his entrance music. “Are you ready? Are you ready? Do you really think you’re ready? You. Ain’t. READYYYYYYY!” About eighty percent of the audience goes wild and yells these last three words along with the voiceover. The other twenty percent sort of roll their eyes thinking - and sometimes yelling to their neighbors - that this guy is overrated.
The Baptizer emerges onto the entrance ramp. His dreadlocked hair, bare feet, and shapeless animal skin tunic give him a somewhat prehistoric look that most of the audience adores. As his entrance music plays, he saunters slowly to the edge of the entrance ramp and takes in the audience, spreading his arms wide just in time for everyone’s favorite line of his theme song. The audience belts it out together: “Young grasshopper, you’d better be prepared! Yes, honey, you’d better be prepared!” Fireworks go off behind him as he walks toward the ring, high-fiving the fans along the way.
(“Now, Matt, this guy has really been gaining some traction lately. I mean, you talk about an upward rise in popularity.”
“Oh, most definitely, Luke. Could you have predicted a year ago that The Baptizer would be one of the most talked about and beloved figures in the entire industry?”
“Not me, man. I don’t think anyone could have seen this coming. What do you think it is that has attracted the fans to him so strongly?”
“He truly has become a man of the people. He’s not bullshitting them or trying to save face with the authority figures. He’s started really just playing by his own rules and speaking his mind regardless of whether or not it’s what people want to hear. I think maybe that’s something the fans find refreshing. But it’s hard to pin-point. He just seems to have that IT factor.”)
As The Baptizer steps into the ring, some of the fans have already slowly begun to take up the now familiar chant. “Ready set go! Ready set go! Ready set go!” The Baptizer looks around with satisfaction, and lifts the microphone to his mouth. The room goes silent.
“Welcome, one and all, to this wilderness we call life!” Cheers rise up at his signature introduction. “We’ve been on quite the journey together these past few weeks, haven’t we? But the journey has just begun. Now, there are some who would have you believe that this journey isn’t worth it. There’s been talk and rumors and gossip - yes, even in the wilderness, you can hear plenty of gossip - that what we’re doing here together is a threat.” Boos rise up from the audience.
“And you know what? They’re right. We are a threat!” The boos turn to cheers of rebellious solidarity.
“There is power in numbers.” He gestures to the entrance ramp as his ever-expanding squad of misfit buddies - performers who are overlooked and rarely given opportunities - emerge and walk toward the ring to great applause. They gather around the ring in solidarity as The Baptizer continues. “And power is what they’re afraid of losing. But more and more people in these stands and around the ring and in that locker room and at home watching from their living rooms are starting to believe. They’re joining us in this movement, and that scares the hell out of the naysayers. But we are the ones with the power. We are the ones changing this industry from the inside out. We are the future!” The Baptizer pauses to let the loudest cheer of the night fade down.
“So anyone in that locker room that wants to join us in changing the industry, come on out and stand in this ring with me.”
The music for the notorious tag-team the C-Squad - “The Fairy” I.C. and “Saddy” U.C. - begins to play.
(“Ugh. What do these two want? This can’t be good.”
“No, Matt, it cannot. This ought to be interesting, though.”)
The performers around the ring begin to move slowly and threateningly toward the C-Squad as they emerge from the entrance. But The Baptizer stops them: “Now, now, no need to chase away our.... guests,” he says, his voice oozing with irony. “Gentlemen, how can I help you?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Saddy asks with mock sincerity. “We’re here to join the cause. You said ANYONE who wants to join is welcome. Well, we want in.”
“Oh, NOW you want in?!” The Baptizer is exasperated beyond belief. “And why the sudden change of heart? If I recall, it was you two who campaigned to The Chief to run me out of town! Aren’t you the same people who tried to get management to fire me? Just a few months ago you were out here telling the people how dangerous and radical I am, how they should cover their ears and turn off their televisions when I’m in the ring.”
The crowd cheers wildly in support of their beloved Baptizer. As the cheers die down, he continues. “Ahhhhh, I get it now.... That’s just it. It’s the cheering you care about. You didn’t want anything to do with me or my movement or what I had to say back when nobody was cheering for me. But now that it’s the popular thing to do, here you are.”
(“You tell them, B!”
“Yes, even I’ve got to admit he makes some fair points, Matt.”)
The C-Squad clearly takes offense at being so easily read by The Baptizer. They begin to move toward the ring, looking like they can’t wait to get their hands on The Baptizer. In a flash of movement he takes a running leap over the top rope landing on top of the duo, taking both The Fairy and Saddy down in one fell swoop.
(“Oh man, I knew it was going to come down to something like this. It's always only a matter of time until all hell breaks loose when these three guys are all in one place.”)
The men get to their feet, with The Fairy swinging wildly. The Baptizer ducks and The Fairy’s fist connects with Saddy’s face. Saddy stumbles backward and bumps directly into two of the larger members of The Baptizer’s band of merry followers, standing stoically with their arms crossed. He looks up at them and takes note as others start to move toward them.
(“I think it’s only a matter of time before the numbers game becomes a really big issue for the C-Squad, here, Luke.”
“Yeah, they are certainly outnumbered. Although with egos the size of theirs, they probably still think The Baptizer’s the underdog in this situation.”)
Saddy looks like he might start fighting again, but then thinks better of it. He retreats slowly from the followers, making his way back to The Fairy. The C-Squad stand side-by-side, nursing their wounds as they stare down the mass of people gathering behind The Baptizer. After a few tense moments, the C-Squad retreats back up the ramp.
“You haven’t heard the last of us, Baptizer!” Saddy yells. He’s barely able to be heard over the combination of cheers, jeers, and a scattered contingent of audience members singing “Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-hey-hey, goodbye!”
Someone hands The Baptizer a microphone, and he yells to the C-Squad just before they exit. “Hey, you two clowns hold on for a minute, because you should hear this, too.” The crowd calms down to an anticipatory silence.
(“What do you think this is about, Matt?”
“I’m sure I have no idea. But whatever it is, I have a feeling the C-Squad isn’t going to like it.”)
“You think I’m a problem? You think I’m causing you troubles - that my message needs to be silenced? Right?” The C-Squad seems unsure how to respond to this, their pride and bodies bruised as they are. “Don’t try to deny it. I’ve seen the footage and the interviews. But that’s beside the point. You see, what I originally came out here to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, is that next week I’m going to be introducing you all to someone that’s going to be even bigger trouble for you two fools and your bosses. Hell, he’s such a loose cannon, he might even be a problem for management! If you think my message is dangerous, well, when it comes to him I’ve got three words for ya....” The crowd joins The Baptizer in chant-yelling “You. Ain’t. READYYYY!”
(To be continued….)